Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i came on her dog
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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