he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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