I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
