Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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