He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have tasted many bathrooms
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
