I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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