Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
