I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just blew my weed a kiss
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
