he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
