considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
