I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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