This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
