Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
