my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
