you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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