I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
