Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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