Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
