I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
