im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
