dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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