i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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