I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Mom said you looked used
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
