I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
