Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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