went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
