i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
