She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
