I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
