he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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