We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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