two words: eviction party
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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