Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
