I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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