i used baking grease as lip gloss
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
