This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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