God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
