I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
