you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
