You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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