WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
