there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sorry about my life...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
