so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
