Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
