I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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