Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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