the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
