i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
