Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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