did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
