i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
