Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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