I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
