Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
