K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
