when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
