Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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