I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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