whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
