Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
