if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
