Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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