Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
