I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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