All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
