I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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