what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
