People with herpes should wear stickers.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
