So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
