Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
